Never Trust Politicians

Smile, grumpy!

This story by B.A. Botkin should be told to everybody in the world. I have always believed that in the ideal world, there are no politicians, only public servants.

The slave complained that his vote never always helped the big men into political office and it never got him anywhere. He told this story to explain his situation: "I dreamed that I went to heaven. When I got to the pearly gates, Peter says, 'Who goes there?'

"And I says, 'Abraham Jasper'

"Are you on horse or on foot?' says he.

"'I'm on foot', says I.

"Well, you can't get in here' says he. 'No one is allowed in here unless they come on horseback.'

"Since there was nothing to do about it, I started back down to earth. And about halfway down the hill I met my two politician friends. I explained to them that unless they were mounted on horses, they could not get in to heaven.

''They thought for a while and one came up with a suggestion. He says to me, 'Abe, if you got down on all fours like a horse, then the two of us could sit on your back, and all three of us would be able to get to into heaven.'

"So that's what I did, and as I pranced up to the heavenly gate, old Peter yells out, 'Who's there?'

"Two politicians" we shouted back.

"'Are you mounted or are you on foot?', asks Peter.

"'We're both mounted', says one of the politicians.

"'All right', said Peter. 'just hitch you horses outside, gentlemen, and come right in.

''So, I got them both in; and I got left out for my pains", That's Politics!

 

Double Standard

Smile, grumpy!

           A foreign building contractor wanted to give a government official a sports car, in order to help him get a big government job.

         The official objected by saying, "Sir, common decency, my Christian upbringing, the leadership code, and my basic sense of personal honor- all these would never permit me to accept a valuable gift like that. It would amount to bribery and corruption."

        The contractor said, "I quite understand. But suppose we do this: I'll sell you the sports car for ten dollars ($10)."

        The official thought for a moment, then he said, "In that case, I'll take two"

-Quote

You Know Your Over 40 When...

Smile, grumpy!

The following was taken from a book I've had since I had a kid. It's been passed down to me by my dad and now I want to share some of its more humorous contents. The book, entitled The Next 500 Stories, was compiled by Frank Mihalic. This piece is meant to be taken lightly and by no means intended to insult the elderly. Even if your not that old, read on to see if your getting older faster than you should. Don't think too much, laugh at your aches and pains.

Lighten up a little, you old geezer! :-)

AGING

            You know you are over 40...

when everything hurts...

when what doesn't hurt, won't work...

when you feel like the night before, without having been anywhere...

when you get short winded playing checkers..

when your children begin to look middle-aged..

when you join a health club but never go...

when your get-up-and-go has got-up-and-gone...

when you know all the answers and no one asks you anything... (Yup!)

when you read the "25 Years Ago Today" column in the newspaper...

when you stop looking forward to your next birthday...

when you turn off the light for economic and not romantic reasons...

when someone startles you when they call you "Old Timer"...

when you realize that you've lived longer than you will...

when your back goes out more than you do...

when you sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there... :-p

-Quote magazine

 

One Way to Prevent A Quarrel

Smile, grumpy!

Do you have someone in your life who is, pardon the expression, an ass? He/she irritates you to the point that you almost are bound to step into a quarrel. Why not try what the man in this story first before you do anything harsh (I think the title should be one way to prevent a quarrel, but that's how I found the story). That way, every morning you wake up, there's one less ass to deal with.

One Way to Stop A Quarrel

A man living in a small town had a nice backyard garden. But his next-door neighbor kept a flock of chickens who easily found their way through the holes in the fence and helped themselves to his vegetables. The gardener wondered how he can solve his problem and keep the peace in the neighborhood.

Then he hit upon a practical idea. He went to the local grocery store and bought some eggs. That evening,  he took a couple of eggs over to his neighbor and said, "Your chickens are laying eggs in my garden, but I don't want to take what does not belong to me. So, you better take the eggs back".

The next day the owner of the chickens carefully fixed up all the holes in the fence, there never was a quarrel between the neighbors.

- by Friedritch Dietz

 

Sometimes You just Can't Win

This story by Jacob Braude is one way of looking at life: Sometimes, you just can't win.

 

The little boy absolutely refused to eat. So his frantic mother took him to a famous doctor. The expert coaxed the boy with every possible delicacy a boy would like. No luck.

So finally he asked the lad, "What would you like to eat?"

"Worms", calmly answered the boy.

The doctor went along with the idea and sent his nurse out for a plateful of worms. "Here!" he barked at the boy.

"I want them fried" came the answer.

The nurse fried them and came back with the plate.

"I only want one", said the food hater.

The doctor got rid of all but one worm. "Now", he exploded, "eat!"

The boy protested, "You eat half."

The doctor did and then dangled the remaining half in the little fellow's face.The boy burst in to tears.

"What's the matter now?" screamed the doctor.

"You ate my half", wailed the boy.